So, if you listened to me last week you will think I'm part genius and part idiot. If you listen to my podcast, you will know that ratio really does vary week to week.
Martial had a blistering start to his season with two assists, even if he knew nothing about one of them. Andre Gray looked exciting enough without actually registering a goal and Middlesborough and George Friend proved they will be no pushover in this Premier League campaign.
However, you don't need excuses, you need advice. Advice that will stop you owing someone £20, a slap up meal or sexual obligations, depending on just how seriously you and your friends take this kind of thing.
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DEFENDER
Every season we are caught off guard by a few surprise inclusions in starting line ups. Last season Brendan Rodgers gave Joe Gomez a starting berth, Matt Targett got an early string of games for Saints and Lee Cattermole has been inexplicably managing it for about 7 years at Sunderland.
This year it was Stephen Kingsley who lined up for Swansea in their 1-0 against Burnley. He will be no surprise to the Liberty Stadium faithful or the Tartan army though. Or indeed the one Welsh-Scotsman that exists that supports both.
He is hotly tipped as a promising full back and he has a few weeks to really make an impression on the Swansea management. From a fantasy point of view, you manage to get a starting full back for only 4.0m and all you have to do is keep an eye on when Neil Taylor returns to action.
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That's right, it's not a full time fix, and much like a Premier League footballer in the noughties dating Danielle Lloyd, he's ideal for a few weeks then you move him on for a more long term option.
MIDFIELDER
As much as we would all like to forget about the Euros, it's hard to eradicate the worst display or co-ordination in a football team since the Renford Rejects took to the field. The first thought to anyone who plays too much FPL was "hope they don't play like this next season".
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One club who had a little more to lose from any loss of confidence while away with England was Spurs. Mauricio Pocchetino let someone babysit his angelic children and came home to Bart Simpson and Eric Cartman and we are yet to find out just how much that horrible summer will have affected prize FPL assets Harry Kane and the artist formerly known as Dele Alli.
Luckily, they have plenty of other internationals to step up to the plate and I am convinced that Erik Lamela will finally make this year THE year. We know he can score 20 yard ribona volleys and sometimes looks like a FIFA player but does he have what it takes to really kick on and become a World class goal scoring midfielder?
He made a great start to the season last week and a home tie against Palace could have him scoring again before Wayne Hennessey can say "Sorry lads, it won't happen again".
FORWARD
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You could be forgiven for thinking that Zlatan and Aguero were the only two strikers active in the Premier League. Those who have both smugly paraded their team lineups as both got off the mark over the weekend. But who cares? Ibrahimovic cost 11.5m for fantasy managers and delivered one solitary goal.
Not a bad day's work in real football but is it really worth the extra strain on your midfield and defence when it comes to your fantasy football team. Salomon Rondon cost 5m less and put in a great performance against Crystal Palace and it's astounding he isn't getting more attention.
With Saido Berahino doing his 'Ross and Rachel' impression again and Rickie Lambert being the most forgettable man in football, Rondon really is the Baggies only reliable goal threat this season. While I expect they will have a few transfer targets on their radar, let's not forget they broke the bank for the Venezuelan International and he was a huge coup for the midlands club.
He notched 9 goals last season and I wouldn't be surprised to see him add a few more this campaign.
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Words by: Craig Hazell @TheGafferTapes
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