August means a lot of things to a lot of people but for many of us, it is a month to smile about for one reason and one reason only. Football. Sure, we have had pre-season friendlies and the Community Shield but they merely act as a methadone for the real deal and that dragon we are chasing is the Premier League.
So, why is it that with Paul Pogba and Zlatan joining the English top flight, Pep arriving on our shores and the return of Mr Mourinho, all I can think about is an inconsequential Chris Smalling own goal in the 90th minute on the final day of the 2015/2016 season against Bournemouth. Two words. Fantasy football.
That stoppage time consolation goal meant I had to treat 6 of my friends to a feast of Sri Lankan food and drink and quite frankly I am not as forgiving as Jose.
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It doesn't matter what the stakes are, fantasy football has football fans round the World minimising work computer screens on a Friday afternoon and I am here to try and help you avoid owing your mates come the end of the season.
With gameweek 1 in mind, I have picked out a player in each position that might get you that added edge over your mini league friends.
DEFENDER: It's easy to get wowed in fantasy football with big money summer signings. They're shiny, they're sparkly and Kevin from HR will tell you the new Dutch fella for Swansea really impressed him at Ajax.
The thing is though, Kevin hasn't watched Dutch football in his life, he pronounces Cazorla 'Cor-zola' and he always brings up Dennis Wise so he can say "ooh they don't make them like that anymore".
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Anyway, enough about Kevin. My attention, however, is drawn to George Friend from Middlesborough. The newly promoted Boro conceded the least goals two years running in the Championship and are particularly resilient at home.
Friend notched up 93 appearances in those two seasons and as well as a few clean sheets, he was only booked in 4 of his appearances last year as a mainstay. All in all, he is an excellent squad player who won't break the bank and at worse will make your bench look very pretty. Take that, Kevin.
MIDFIELDER: I'll start by saying I don't see anyone scoring more than Kevin De Bruyne in midfield this year. That baby faced little scamp will be vital to City's title bid and if he stays fit I think he will outscore any midfielder.
However, it wouldn't be much insight to tip one of Europe's top players. What I can do, though, is find a player who, much like Harry Kane at a corner, looks a little out of position.
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Anthony Martial has been given the nod as a midfielder in fantasy football games and although comes with a hefty price tag, could be well among the goals for United this season.
He got selected to start in the Community Shield and with Rooney seemingly half way through his 5 year plan to become a left back, Martial is one of United's most direct goal threats. Zlatan is hardly going to be charging at defences and Rashford might not be trusted with many minutes just yet. All in all Martial looks good value.
FORWARD: Like any pub landlord, we are all looking for the new Jamie Vardy when it comes to strikers. A middling priced forward who can get you a four or five week jump on your friends, before they join your bandwagon while you bask in smuggery. It is of course, easier said than done.
A lot of heads are being turned by Negredo, Batshuayi and of course Zlatan and they may well be right to turn. But it's too early to know if they're worth breaking the bank for. The best scoring player in the opening weeks of fantasy football last year was Callum Wilson.
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Before his horrific leg break, Wilson was racking up points for shrewd football fans who knew the sport existed outside the Premier League. This year, Andre Gray fills that void. If you watched Burnley last year, you will have noticed Gray, who finished top scorer, and made the league team of the year, all while not getting in a fight with Joey Barton.
No mean feat. Burnley will of course find the Premier League tough going but Gray will be the focal point of every attack, he will be the man on penalties (5 last season) and will know that a good season could get him the big money move he wants.
Swansea at home opening day represents a real chance of opening his account and if he does, he may not stop anytime soon.
Words by: Craig Hazell @TheGafferTapes
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